Stop Judging Other Moms: A Lesson I Learned the Hard Way

Stop judging other moms  – This blog was originally published on May 7, 2021 by a mother herself. Updated on August 13, 2025 with fresh new insights by the owner, while keeping the original heart intact.

This is something I wish I had known earlier in my motherhood journey. I didn’t fit in the group, so I tried fitting myself in her shoes — but only after being judgmental.

Groups, subgroups, and gossip are quite common, especially in the desi communities of foreign lands. I was newly married and flew far away from my home, friends, and the comfort zone I most often refer to.

For an introvert like me, it takes a little time and space to catch up with new people. Being a hobbyist in various fields, gossip was never my cup of tea.

A few months flew by — hurray! I was expecting a new life. After family, it’s all about friends… friends like family — until you hear the gossip that goes around behind your back.

The Moment That Made Me Judge Her

“Maya… don’t mind, I’m telling you this… Sakshi was saying, ‘you don’t fit in the group,’” said Priya.

Probably the only sentence in that long, casual chat with Priya that struck my heart — resulting in wild mood swings. I gracefully distanced myself from Sakshi but, in some instances, gave indirect taunts just to burst my feelings out.

Sakshi, who was 5 years older than me and had been married for six years, often commented about someone’s parenting or the risks in pregnancy.

I DID judge Sakshi — her attitude, her character — only to realize later that she was having fertility issues.

Also read: Finding My Freedom As A Mother – What’s Your Wishlist About Freedom?

The truth is, we often judge moms harshly for little things—like checking their phones while their kids play—without realizing the pressures behind these moments. A recent Scary Mommy article captures this brilliantly, pointing out that “we shame women for being at dance practice on their phone… but we don’t shame men for not even being there at all.” It’s an important reminder that judgment often comes from ignorance, not empathy.

Walking in Her Shoes

It’s been a long marriage for her, and family pressures were at their peak. In my comfort zone, Google is my friend — and when I started researching fertility issues, I realized how deep and painful the struggle is.

I tried putting myself in Sakshi’s place:

• The everyday video calls to parents and in-laws filled with “advice” to visit a better doctor.

• Uncles and aunties who connect once in a while commenting about food, weight, and giving endless prayers and remedies.

• Cousins and friends who got married later now flaunting their pregnancy bellies.

• Social media feeds flooded with pregnancy and newborn photoshoots.

The hope of two dark lines each month — only to get disappointed.
Maybe she wanted to scream and tell the world she was waiting to hug her tiny human.
Maybe the frustration of not having a child made her see only the negative sides of pregnant women.
Maybe she just needed support — but didn’t know how to ask for it.

The shopping cart would have been heavy to push past the kids’ section at Walmart.
The stress probably caused her to gain weight, and losing it was no easy task.
She might have felt lost walking in the park while watching other kids play.

Judgment Can Push Moms Into Isolation

One thing I’ve noticed is that judgment doesn’t just hurt feelings—it can also isolate mothers. When a mom feels judged, she’s less likely to open up about her challenges or ask for help. This can lead to loneliness at a time when she needs connection the most. If we stop judging other moms, we make it safer for them to share their real struggles, seek advice, and feel part of a supportive circle. And that’s something every mom deserves.

What I Learned: Stop Judging Other Moms

It took me a while to really understand Sakshi. I’m still in my comfort zone with my hobbies, family, and my little girl Miss M. But I’ve learned to throw my ego out and send positive vibes instead.

Motherhood is a unique roller coaster for each woman — a mix of thrill, happiness, joy, horror, fear, anxiety, sadness, temper, nightmares, and beauty.

We often judge another mom for her parenting, lifestyle, and choices. But life is more beautiful when we live it with grace. Before you judge her for what she is doing, make a small effort to understand why she is doing it — and most importantly, stop judging other moms for things you might not understand yet.

Time flew by, and today Sakshi has a handsome little boy.

No matter what —

• Breastfeed or bottle-feed

• Screen time or no screen time

• Routine or flexible schedule

How I Turned Judgment Into Empathy

I’ve learned that you never truly know what’s happening behind someone’s smile. The mom you see laughing at the park might be battling postpartum depression. The mom who lets her child have extra screen time might be working two jobs. Every story has layers we can’t see, which is why we must stop judging other moms.

We can’t measure their love, patience, or struggles just by a passing moment. Instead of judging, offering a smile or a kind word can make all the difference.

I’ve also realized that when we pass quick judgments, it often says more about us than the other person. Sometimes, we judge because we feel insecure about our own choices or because we fear we might be “doing it wrong.”

The moment we stop judging other moms, we also free ourselves from comparison and guilt. It’s not just about being kind to others—it’s also about being kinder to ourselves. When we stop judging other moms, we create a community where we can openly share struggles and learn from each other without fear of criticism.

Let’s stop judging other moms. It truly makes a difference. Be the change you want to see. Every mom is a unique creation, and her love for her child is beyond the skies.

Spreading love and positivity,
Happy Mother’s Day ❤️

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