Parenting trends keep evolving. First, we had gentle parenting, teaching us empathy, connection, and emotional awareness. It was revolutionary — and necessary. But somewhere along the way, many of us found ourselves over-explaining, over-protecting, and rescuing our kids from every little mistake. That’s when I noticed something familiar happening with my son, Hitarth.
Sometimes, without even thinking, I would step back and let him face the natural outcomes of his choices. And one day it clicked — we were practicing what the internet now calls FAFO parenting, or “Fool Around and Find Out”. Funny thing? We didn’t call it that. This is exactly how parenting worked in the 90s, and we were unintentionally doing it all along.
What FAFO Parenting Really Means
At its heart, FAFO is simple: let kids learn through experience, not constant intervention. It’s not about being harsh or unsympathetic — it’s about giving children the space to understand cause and effect.
Think back to your own childhood. Remember when your parents said, “Be careful!” and if you still went ahead, you learned the lesson on your own? That’s FAFO in action.
In today’s world, parents are more aware of child psychology, so FAFO is done mindfully. Safety is never compromised, and children are supported emotionally while experiencing consequences.
FAFO advocates for a more hands-off approach, letting children experience the natural consequences of their choices. Instead of constantly shielding children from discomfort or stepping in to solve every problem, parents step back and let kids “find out” what happens when they make certain decisions.
While it sounds new, the philosophy is surprisingly familiar — it’s the parenting many of us grew up with in the 90’s.
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The Drive Behind FAFO: A Reaction to Over-Parenting?
Many see FAFO as a response to over-parenting:
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Helicopter Parenting: Constantly hovering, solving problems, and removing obstacles.
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Gentle Parenting: While nurturing emotional awareness, it can sometimes be misinterpreted as a lack of firm boundaries or real-world consequences.
FAFO aims to cultivate skills that modern kids need:
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Resilience: Bouncing back from setbacks.
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Responsibility: Understanding that choices have outcomes.
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Independence: Problem-solving without constant adult intervention.
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Accountability: Experiencing cause and effect in a tangible way.
Our Own FAFO Moments With Hitarth
Watching my son, Hitarth, grow, I realized we were unintentionally practicing FAFO parenting — the old-school 90’s style — without even knowing it.
Confession: While I don’t brand myself as a strict FAFO parent, there are certainly moments where I lean into its philosophy. One common scenario? Meal time.
“When Hitarth denies food, my response is simple: ‘Don’t eat, but you won’t get anything else.’
It may sound tough, and yes, sometimes it leads to a hungry child later, but the lesson is invaluable. Meal time is when we eat, and if you choose not to, there isn’t a magical second menu. This isn’t about punishment; it’s about the natural consequence of skipping a meal. And guess what? They learn surprisingly quickly.
Here are 2 videos that reveal insights every parent should know about FAFO Parenting.
When to FAFO, and When to Hold Back: Safety and Empathy are Key
It’s crucial to understand that FAFO parenting isn’t about neglect or being unkind. It’s a tool that needs to be used wisely and with genuine care.
- Safety First, Always: This is non-negotiable. FAFO should NEVER be applied in situations where the consequence poses a genuine danger or harm to the child. A child must hold your hand to cross a busy street; you don’t “FAFO” that.
- Age-Appropriate: The method works best with children who are developmentally able to understand cause and effect. A toddler won’t grasp the long-term consequence of not wearing a jacket in the same way an older child might.
- Empathy, Not “I Told You So”: When a child faces a consequence, our role isn’t to gloat. It’s to be a supportive presence, to acknowledge their feelings, and to help them process what happened. “I see you’re cold because you didn’t wear your jacket. What could we do differently tomorrow?” is far more effective than “Well, I told you so!” The goal is to teach, not to shame.
- Logical Consequences: The consequences should naturally flow from the action. Not doing homework leads to a poor grade or a conversation with the teacher, not losing screen time for a week (unless screen time was the reason homework wasn’t done).
Why FAFO Works Today
In a world of instant solutions and constant guidance, FAFO introduces balance. It teaches kids:
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Problem-Solving: Think for themselves.
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Accountability: Choices have real outcomes.
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Boundaries: Limits are understood naturally.
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Resilience: Minor discomfort strengthens emotional endurance.
And for parents? FAFO reduces burnout, fewer power struggles, more mental space, and the ability to focus on guiding rather than micromanaging.
The Perfect Blend: FAFO + Gentle Parenting
FAFO doesn’t replace gentle parenting — it enhances it.
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Gentle Parenting: “I’m here with you.”
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FAFO: “But you can handle this yourself.”
Together, they raise emotionally aware, independent, and confident kids, blending empathy with responsibility.
A Thought to Leave You With
FAFO parenting is definitely a conversation starter. It challenges us to rethink our roles as protectors and problem-solvers, urging us to instead become facilitators of growth and learning. Watching Hitarth navigate everyday challenges reminded me that parenting doesn’t have to be complicated. Sometimes, the old-school wisdom of 90’s parenting, combined with modern awareness, works best. Let kids stumble, make choices, and experience the natural consequences — that’s how they learn resilience, responsibility, and independence.
What are your thoughts on FAFO parenting? Have you ever had a “FAFO” moment with your kids? Share your insights and experiences in the comments below!
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