Hmm, quite a conundrum, isn’t it? When we were small, we just naturally gravitated towards kids who liked to play the same games as us. We could find someone while on the swings, on the see-saw or throwing a ball around. But this blog is not about us kids; it’s about us as Moms and about making mommy friends.
As we grew older, similar interests drew us to our school and college friends – from books to tv shows, make-up, and travelling. If we were from similar backgrounds, that forged our bonds stronger.
I remember my mom never really made mommy friends when I was a kid. She preferred to do her own things. I would often see that my other friends’ mommies would be friends, due to which they would have more playdates and have more opportunities to interact, and I would feel left out. Though it didn’t bother me then, but as kids, we notice nuances, pack it inside our brain somewhere, and at the oddest of times, once you’re older, it suddenly pops up.
I’m not saying if you don’t make friends with your kids’ friends’ parents, the earth will stop spinning, or your kid won’t have a happy childhood, but parenting shouldn’t be a lonely activity. We all have the same challenges and hurdles to cross; it becomes more fun when you have mommy friends to rely on and share a laugh with.
As we become parents, our entire focus is on our kids. Especially as moms, we want the best for our kids, best schools, best opportunities, and best friends. It becomes imperative for our peace of mind that our kids don’t get bored, so we ensure we encourage them to make friends and get busy with them. If they’re happy, then we’re happy.
Now comes the actual challenging part – now that your kids are sorted, what about you? Your kids’ friend’s mom is also right there. After the initial hi hello, what now? You talk about your kids, their likes and dislikes. Then what? Awkward silence, staring into your phone or pretending you have a meeting and open your laptop in the park?
There’s always a group of mommy friends in the play area who seem to get along so well, just like their kids are getting along; how do they do that? How do they find like-minded people whose kids get along and play with your kids? Also, read here about the Effects of Gentle Parenting & Parents Mutual relationships on Growing Children.
The key is to go beyond small talk and show interest in others consciously. It’s no longer about naturally gravitating towards people whose interest matches yours. It’s now the grown-up world where you make friends based on practicality. Not trying to sound callous, but it is what it is. I can see a few moms nodding their heads right about now. They know what I am talking about.
Ok, let’s go step by step, shall we?
Operation – Make Mommy Friends Is On!
- Firstly, tell your mind that you’re going to make mommy friends.
- Secondly, proximity helps. It’s more practical to make friends with those closest to home. Just think if your kid wants to spend time at their friend’s house, it’s easier if they live close by. Then you can drop your kid, make small talk, take something for the house, smile and come back. Slowly exchange notes, find common ground and start regular communication with the mommy friend. Trust me, the other mom is also in the same boat as yours…and she’ll appreciate you coming forward and taking the initiative…with her kid and with your budding friendship.
- When your kid is playing in the park, if you’re new to the area, make eye contact with the other mom, be the first one not to take the phone to the park and look around with a smile. We don’t realize that we might hide in our phones, but we come across as aloof and distant to others (who’re also not hiding in their phones). I bet you’ll find at least a couple of moms who want to have an actual conversation rather than sticking to their phones.
- If your kid finds other kids that they really like, take the initiative to start coming to the park at the same time as them. Talk to the mom to figure out the possibility of a playdate. Fix up something.
- When the kid comes for a playdate, invite the mommy friend and talk. At first, it may be awkward, but you’re both moms, so I bet you can find tons of things to talk about. Once that is done, you’ll both figure out other common interests that you may share: reading, travelling, cooking, TV shows, in-laws, etc.
- When your kids go for a playdate, take something for the house. The hostess will appreciate it, and you will come across as a genuine person who’s interested in maintaining the connection.
- Accept that not everyone is like you. If you’re into reading and the mommy friend can only talk about the new TV show, then don’t fret. Let the other person talk; I’m sure you’ll find something interesting from where you can add your inputs.
Remember, mommy friends, are imperative for your own sanity too. It’s not only for your kid’s sake that you want other mommy friends. You can get tons of parents advice from your own folks and the internet. Still, it’s essential for your own growth and happiness to find people who are in a similar situation as you, with kids, who don’t find time to do what they used to do and talking to them, you’ll realize we all start the same, from a blank slate, learning as we go along and make mistakes.
The trick is to find somewhat like-minded mommy friends whom you can have fun with, whom you can talk to openly about parenting challenges and gain knowledge from the other person.
So next time you drop your kid to the park, leave the phone home, wear a big smile and get ready to make tons of mommy friends. And, if you are still awkward to make mommy friends, read this.
Happy Parenting!
