How I Overcame My Anger Issues as a Mom (and You Can Too)

Dear Lovely Moms,

I see you. I understand you. Because I’ve been there. For years, I struggled with anger that I couldn’t control. There was a time not too long ago when anger controlled my life. I’d lash out at the smallest things—misplaced keys, a mess in the living room, or a delayed dinner. I’ve been married for 9 years and have a young child, and I could see how my reactions were impacting my family. My husband started avoiding conversations, and my child seemed hesitant to approach me when something went wrong. It broke my heart, but I didn’t know how to stop.

My anger stemmed from unresolved issues from my childhood and past experiences. I wasn’t ready to dig up the pain, but I knew I had to change—for myself and for my family. Counseling wasn’t an option, so I decided to take matters into my own hands.

Deep down, I knew it wasn’t just about “being frustrated” – it was about unhealed parts of me. Parts from my past that I didn’t want to revisit but still showed up when I least expected them. If you’re reading this, know that you are not alone. Here’s what I learned along the way – simple yet powerful techniques to heal and manage my anger.

The Turning Point

One day, after an especially heated argument, I saw my child crying quietly in the corner. That moment shattered me. I promised myself that I would never let my anger hurt my loved ones again. But promises alone weren’t enough—I needed tools and strategies.

Practical Steps That Helped Me

Recognize the “Why” Behind Your Anger

At first, I thought my anger was about my child not listening or my husband not helping. But when I paused and reflected, I realized something deeper: my anger was a reaction to feeling unheard, helpless, or overwhelmed. It was rooted in my childhood experiences and past emotional wounds.

What I did

Whenever I felt the anger bubbling up, I asked myself, “Why am I really angry? What am I feeling right now?”

Recognizing the root emotion – whether it was sadness, frustration, or exhaustion – helped me address it instead of lashing out.

Create “Pause” Moments

One thing that changed my life was learning to pause before reacting. Anger is often a quick reaction – but the power is in slowing it down.

Practical tip I use:

• When I feel anger coming, I count to 10 and take 3 slow, deep breaths.
• If possible, I walk away for a minute. I’d say, “I need a moment to calm down.”
• I also tried keeping a small journal where I’d write one sentence: “What happened, and how did I feel?”

It sounds simple, but these pauses gave me space to choose how I wanted to respond rather than react impulsively.

Find “Me Time” – Even for 10 Minutes

As moms, we pour everything into our families, often leaving nothing for ourselves. I used to feel guilty about taking time for myself, but I realized that a calm, happy mom is the best gift I can give my family.

What I did:

• I started with 10 minutes a day for myself. I would:
  • Sit quietly with tea.
  • Listen to calming music or affirmations.
  • Go for a quick walk alone when possible.
• I’d remind myself, “I deserve this time to recharge.”

It helped me reset, and I noticed fewer anger outbursts when I felt a little rested.

Replace Yelling with Connection

This was the hardest but most rewarding step for me. When my child’s behavior tested my patience, I realized yelling only made us both feel worse. Instead of reacting angrily, I tried connecting first.

How I did it:

• I would get down to my child’s level, make eye contact, and say, “Mama is feeling upset right now, and I need a minute to calm down.”
• For my spouse, I’d use “I statements,” like, “I feel overwhelmed when I don’t get help with dinner. Can we work together?”

It wasn’t perfect at first, but choosing connection over conflict slowly made my home feel calmer and safer.

Practice Gratitude and Affirmations

This might sound small, but it was a game-changer for me. Each night, I wrote down 3 things I was grateful for, no matter how small. I also repeated affirmations to shift my mindset.

Examples of affirmations I used:

• “I am a calm and loving mother.”
• “My anger does not define me; I choose peace.”
• “I am healing and getting better every day.”

It wasn’t overnight, but these little mindset shifts helped me find calm in the chaos.

How Manifestation Helped Me

I had heard about manifestation but hadn’t given it much thought until I came across a book on the subject. The idea that my thoughts could shape my reality intrigued me.

I started visualizing a calmer, happier version of myself. Every night before bed, I’d close my eyes and picture myself handling a stressful situation with grace. I’d imagine my child smiling and my husband looking at me with pride. It was empowering.

I also wrote down my intentions in a journal:

• I will become a more patient and loving person.
• I will create a harmonious home environment.

Reading these affirmations daily kept me focused on my goal.

The Impact on My Family

The change wasn’t immediate, but it was noticeable. My husband started engaging in longer conversations, and my child became more open with me. The more I controlled my anger, the more love and support I received from them.

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone

Dear mom, if you’re struggling with anger, please be kind to yourself. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent. It means you’re human, carrying things that are heavy – but you are also strong enough to overcome them.

Start small. Recognize your feelings, pause, and give yourself permission to take care of YOU. I promise that even the tiniest steps toward calm will make a difference for you and your family.

To anyone reading this who feels overwhelmed, remember this: You’re stronger than your anger. You can take control, and you can create a peaceful, loving environment for yourself and your family.

And remember: You’re doing an amazing job, even on the hard days. ❤️

With love and understanding,
Another Mom Who’s Been There

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