As a mother, there’s nothing more painful than feeling like your efforts are not enough. I still remember the day when my son came home with his report card, and his marks in key subjects were far from what I had expected.
It all started on the dreaded PTM day. As I held my child’s report card in my hands, a wave of disappointment and guilt washed over me. His marks were far below what I had expected, and despite all the time I had put into helping him study, the results didn’t reflect the effort. I felt like I had failed—not just as a teacher but as a parent.
When I returned home, my mother-in-law commented, “Maybe you’re not teaching him properly. Children reflect their mother’s abilities, after all.” That remark hit me like a brick. Her words echoed in my mind, feeding my insecurities. I started believing that perhaps I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t capable of helping my child succeed.
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The Impact on My Child
My sadness began to show in my behavior. I became irritable and impatient, constantly worrying about his performance. I started questioning him more, sometimes even scolding him unnecessarily. One evening, while we were working on his assignments, he hesitated and said, “Mumma, am I not good enough?”
His innocent words broke my heart. In my self-criticism, I had unknowingly passed on my frustration to him. He began to withdraw, losing interest in studies and even in the activities he loved.
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That night, as I lay in bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about how my reactions were affecting him. It was a wake-up call. I realized I wasn’t just battling my own emotions—I was shaping his.
Turning Things Around
I decided that I couldn’t let this spiral continue. For both of our sakes, I needed to approach this situation differently.
1. Understanding the Root Cause
Instead of focusing on the results, I tried to understand where he was struggling. I asked him what he found difficult, and his answers surprised me. It wasn’t the subjects; it was the pressure he felt to meet expectations.
2. Rebuilding His Confidence
I started acknowledging his small victories, no matter how insignificant they seemed. “You remembered this spelling today!” or “Your handwriting has improved!” These little acknowledgments began to boost his confidence.
3. Shifting My Mindset
I consciously stopped focusing on what others thought, especially my mother-in-law’s comments. I reminded myself that my child’s journey is unique and not a reflection of anyone else’s standards.
4. Using Affirmations Together
I introduced positive affirmations into our daily routine.
- For him: “I am smart and capable. I enjoy learning new things.”
- For myself: “I am a patient and loving parent. My child is growing at his own pace.”
We repeated these every morning and before bedtime. Over time, these words began to reshape our thoughts.
5. Making Learning Fun
I realized that traditional studying methods weren’t working for him. So, I introduced games, stories, and creative activities to make learning enjoyable. For math, we played board games that involved counting. For reading, we started storytelling sessions.
6. Visualization and Manifestation
Every night, after he went to bed, I practiced visualization. I closed my eyes and imagined him confidently answering questions, enjoying his studies, and smiling proudly as he showed me his work. This practice helped me stay positive and hopeful.
7. Spending Quality Time Together
I set aside time each day just for him—no studies, no pressure. We painted, played outdoor games, or simply talked. These moments strengthened our bond and reminded him that my love wasn’t tied to his performance.
8. Limiting External Opinions
I stopped sharing his academic struggles with others, especially those who criticized me. Instead, I surrounded myself with supportive friends and family who uplifted me.
The Transformation
It wasn’t an overnight change, but gradually, I noticed a difference. My child began approaching his studies with curiosity instead of fear. He started asking questions and even showing me his small achievements with pride. His marks improved, but more importantly, his confidence soared.
I also changed. I learned to be kinder to myself and stopped equating my worth as a parent with his academic performance.
A Message to Moms
If you’re reading this and feeling the same way I did, let me tell you—you are not alone. Marks don’t define your child’s potential, nor do they define your abilities as a parent.
Focus on building a loving and supportive environment for your child. Celebrate their small wins and remind them that it’s okay to struggle. They’re learning, and so are you.
Remember, children thrive when they feel loved and supported, not when they feel judged or pressured. And as moms, we need to give ourselves the same love and patience we give to our kids.
You’ve got this. Keep going—you’re doing better than you think.
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