When My Child Was Bullied, Here’s How I Handled It (Without Shouting or Complaining)

Hi there, I’m Priya. My daughter Ria is 8 years old, and last year, something happened that broke my heart. She was being bullied at school. I want to share our story because handling child bullying calmly made a huge difference for us, and maybe it can help you too.

The Day I Found Out

I’ll never forget that Tuesday afternoon. Ria got into the car after school, and instead of her usual chatter about her day, she was quiet. When I asked her what was wrong, she just shrugged. That night, while I was tucking her into bed, she finally told me.

“Mom, Keira and her friends won’t let me play with them. They say my lunch smells funny and my clothes are weird. Today they told everyone not to talk to me.”

My stomach dropped. My baby was hurting, and I hadn’t known. My first thought was to call Keira’s mom or the teacher and give them a piece of my mind! But I took a deep breath instead. I knew that handling child bullying calmly would work better than losing my cool.

What I Did First (After I Stopped Crying)

Yes, I cried. After Ria fell asleep, I went to my room and let the tears come. It’s OK to feel upset – we’re moms, not robots! But I didn’t let Ria see me fall apart, because I needed to be her rock.

That night, I made a simple plan for peaceful bullying resolution:

1. Listen to Ria without jumping in to fix everything
2. Write down what was happening (with dates)
3. Help Ria feel strong again
4. Talk to the school without pointing fingers

Our Heart-to-Heart Talks

Instead of bombarding Ria with questions, I started finding little moments to talk. During bath time, while braiding her hair, or on drives to the grocery store.

“What made you smile today?” I’d ask. Or “Did anything make you feel sad or worried?”

These little chats helped me understand what was happening. I found out the bullying had been going on for three weeks. The girls had been:

• Saying mean things about Ria’s lunch (we’re Indian, so her food looks different)
• Excluding her from games
• Telling other kids not to be her friend
• Taking her pencils and not giving them back

When Ria talked, I just listened. Sometimes I’d say things like, “That must have hurt your feelings” or “I’m really sorry that happened.” This supportive parenting helped her feel heard.

Also read: Scolding a Child & Regretting? How I Broke the Cycle and Became a Calmer Parent!

Working With Ria’s Teacher (Without Being “That Mom”)

I emailed Ria’s teacher, Mrs. Patel, and asked for a quick meeting. Before going, I practiced what I would say. I didn’t want to be the angry mom who makes teachers roll their eyes.

When we met, I simply said: “Ria’s been telling me about some problems with a group of girls. I’d like to work with you to help her feel happier at school again.”

Mrs. Patel appreciated this calm approach to child advocacy. She hadn’t noticed the bullying (it was happening mostly at recess and lunch) but promised to keep an eye out. We came up with some simple ideas for effective bullying intervention:

• Moving Ria’s seat to a table with kinder kids
• Having a yard duty teacher watch the girls at recess
• Setting up a weekly check-in for Ria with the school counselor
• Creating a buddy system with older students during lunch

Teaching Ria to Stand Tall (Without Fighting)

While waiting for the school to help, I knew I needed to give Ria some tools. Handling child bullying calmly means helping kids help themselves when possible.

We practiced some easy things at home:

Strong Voice: We practiced saying “Please stop” and “I don’t like that” in a clear, strong voice. Not yelling, just firm.

Brave Body: We stood in front of the mirror and practiced standing tall, shoulders back, looking people in the eye. Ria giggled at first, but she got better with practice.

Walking Away: We role-played how to calmly walk away from mean kids and find a kind friend or adult.

The “So What?” Trick: When someone said something mean, we practiced shrugging and thinking “So what?” This helped the words hurt less.

For building child resilience, we also read some simple books about kids dealing with bullies. Ria’s favorite was “Spaghetti in a Hot Dog Bun” because the main character was different but learned to be proud of herself.

When Things Got Worse Before They Got Better

After two weeks, Keira started leaving Ria alone, but another girl, Jenna, was still being mean. One day Ria came home with a small tear in her favorite shirt, saying Jenna had pulled on it.

I’ll be honest – I wanted to march into that school and demand action! But I stuck with handling child bullying calmly. I took a picture of the torn shirt, wrote down what happened, and requested another meeting.

This time I brought my notes and photos. I didn’t blame or accuse. I just said, “There are still some problems, and now there’s been physical contact. I’m concerned.”

The school took it more seriously and organized a meeting with Jenna’s parents. They also had the counselor do some class activities about kindness and inclusion.

Helping Ria Feel Happy Again

While all this was happening, I needed to help Ria with her emotional wellbeing. Bullying can make kids feel like something’s wrong with them.

We started a “Happy Jar” where Ria would write one good thing that happened each day on a little slip of paper. Even on bad days, she could find something small – a tasty lunch, a fun art project, a kind word from someone.

I also signed her up for weekend swim classes. She made new friends there, which helped her remember that she was likeable and fun. These positive friendships were great for building confidence after bullying.

What Finally Worked

After about two months of consistent effort and calm parenting during bullying, things got much better. Here’s what I think made the biggest difference:

1. I stayed calm but persistent with the school
2. Ria learned some simple ways to stand up for herself
3. The classroom activities about kindness helped all the kids
4. Making new friends outside of school boosted Ria’s confidence
5. Regular check-ins with the counselor gave Ria a safe person to talk to at school

The most surprising thing? By the end of the school year, Ria and Jenna were actually playing together sometimes. The school counselor had helped them talk things out, and they discovered they both loved drawing horses!

What I Would Do Differently

Looking back at our journey with peaceful bullying resolution, I would have:

• Talked to the teacher sooner (I waited almost two weeks hoping things would get better)
• Taken better care of myself (I was so focused on Ria that I skipped my own self-care)
• Reached out to other moms for support (I felt embarrassed at first, like maybe I’d failed somehow)

Related read: What should you do if your child is a bully?

Simple Tips for Other Moms

If your child is being bullied, here’s what helped us with handling child bullying calmly:

1. Listen more than you talk. Let your child tell their whole story before jumping in with solutions.
2. Write everything down. Dates, what happened, who was involved. This helps when talking to the school.
3. Use “we” language with the school. Say “How can we help this situation?” instead of “What are you going to do about this?”
4. Teach simple responses. Kids need quick, easy things to say or do when bullying happens.
5. Build up your child at home. Point out all the things that make them awesome.
6. Follow up regularly. Check in with your child and their teacher about how things are going.
7. Stay calm but don’t give up. Your child is watching how you handle tough situations.

The most important thing I learned about handling child bullying calmly is that our kids need us to be both gentle and strong – a safe place to fall apart, but also someone who shows them how to stand tall again.

Has your child dealt with bullying? What worked for you? I’d love to hear your stories and share support with other moms going through this tough situation.

With love and solidarity,

Priya

Priya Sharma is a mom of two who loves cooking, reading with her kids, and helping other parents navigate childhood challenges. She believes every child deserves to feel safe and valued at school.