I want to start with saying ”Thankyou” for this platform that gave me an opportunity to share something deeply personal with you. I really hope this blog helps you if you’re going through a similar situation.
A few months ago, I found myself in a situation that left me scared, confused, and heartbroken. My 27-year-old son, my once cheerful and lively boy, started withdrawing from us. He stopped talking, avoided meals, and spent all his time in his room, sleeping or staring at his phone.
I would knock on his door, but there was no response. If he did come out, he would mutter a few incoherent words before retreating back into his shell. I was terrified. What had gone wrong?
As a mother, I felt helpless. I blamed myself, questioned everything, and spent sleepless nights wondering how I could bring my son back to life.
Today, I’m sharing the steps I took—not as an expert, but as a mom who walked this path with her child.
Contents
1. Start with Love, Not Judgment
At first, I kept asking him, “Why are you like this? Why don’t you eat? Why won’t you talk to us?” Each question pushed him further away. It was painful to realize that my desperation was making things harder for him.
So, I stopped questioning and started loving. Instead of asking him to talk, I left his favorite snacks at his door. I wrote small notes saying, “I’m here for you whenever you’re ready.”
What Happened:
One day, I left a cup of coffee on his table with a sticky note that read, “I miss you. Let’s sit together sometime?” That evening, he walked into the living room and said, “Thanks for the coffee, Mom.” It was a tiny step, but it was the beginning of our reconnection.
2. Recognize the Signs and Act with Empathy
It became clear to me that my son wasn’t just being lazy or indifferent—he was overwhelmed. The constant rejections in his job search had shattered his confidence.
Instead of blaming him, I focused on helping him feel understood. I said things like, “I know it’s been tough. Let’s figure this out together.”
What Helped:
I stopped focusing on his behavior and started focusing on what might be causing it. Together, we decided to break down the overwhelming task of job hunting into smaller, achievable steps.
- We updated his resume.
- He applied for just 2-3 jobs a day instead of trying to tackle everything at once.
- I offered to role-play interviews with him.
What Happened:
One day, he came to me with a smile and said, “I got a callback.” That small victory lifted his spirits and gave him hope.
3. Create Gentle Routines
One of the hardest things was seeing my son lose his routine. He wasn’t eating on time, sleeping odd hours, and staying locked in his room. I realized I couldn’t force him to change, but I could gently guide him.
What Helped:
- I started making family dinners non-negotiable, but in a loving way: “We’re having your favorite dal tonight. I’d love it if you joined us.”
- I began inviting him for short walks, framing them as “I could use your company.”
What Happened:
At first, he declined, but over time, he started joining us at the table and occasionally coming along for walks. These moments became opportunities to connect.
4. Seek Professional Support Without Pressure
I knew I couldn’t do this alone. My son needed more help than I could give, so I gently introduced the idea of seeing a counselor.
How I Framed It:
Instead of saying, “You need therapy,” I said, “Let’s talk to someone who can help us both understand what’s going on.” I offered to go with him, and that made it feel less daunting.
What Happened:
He agreed, reluctantly at first, but after the first session, he said, “It wasn’t as bad as I thought.” Slowly, he began to open up, and it made a world of difference.
5. Build Confidence Through Small Wins
My son felt like a failure because of his job situation. I realized he needed to feel capable again, even in small ways.
What Helped:
- I asked him to help me with small tasks, like fixing the Wi-Fi or organizing some files.
- When he completed these, I made sure to genuinely praise him: “You’re so good at this. Thank you for helping me.”
What Happened:
These small accomplishments reminded him of his strengths and slowly rebuilt his confidence.
6. Be Patient, but Stay Consistent
This journey wasn’t easy. There were days when I felt like giving up, but I reminded myself that progress isn’t always linear.
What Helped Me:
- I leaned on a trusted friend for emotional support.
- I reminded myself that my son needed my calm, steady presence more than anything else.
What Happened:
Over time, my son started spending more time with us, sharing his thoughts, and even cracking jokes again. It was a slow process, but it was worth every step.
A Message to Every Mom in This Situation
If your child is withdrawing, please know that it’s not your fault. They’re going through something that they might not know how to express. Your love, patience, and small actions can make a huge difference.
I hope my journey helps you in some way. Remember, you’re not alone, and your child needs you to keep believing in them, even when they’ve stopped believing in themselves.
