Hey Moms,
I see you. I hear you. And today, I want to talk about something deeply personal and relatable to so many of us—the silent pain of feeling like you’re not your husband’s priority, especially when your mother-in-law seems to come first.
Let me share a piece of my story. There was a time when every family function, every special occasion, even moments meant just for us as a couple, seemed to include my husband’s mom. And honestly? It hurt. It made me question my place in his life. The worst part was the misunderstandings—most of which I felt were unintentionally stirred by my mother-in-law.
I cried. I fumed. And yes, I doubted our love. But through the chaos, I found a way to heal—not just myself but our relationship too. Here’s how I navigated this emotional storm and how you can too.
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Step 1: Shift the Focus from Hurt to Understanding
At first, I thought my husband was deliberately putting his mother before me. But as I started peeling back the layers, I realized something crucial: My husband wasn’t “choosing” her over me. He was fulfilling a deeply ingrained responsibility to his mother, something culturally and emotionally significant. Understanding this softened my anger.
Ask yourself: Could his actions stem from love and duty rather than favoritism? This perspective helps remove the sting and brings clarity to the situation. When I began viewing it this way, it allowed me to approach the situation with empathy instead of resentment.
Also read: 10 Ways To Make Your Relationship Work After Having A Child
Step 2: Include Her, but on Your Terms
Instead of seeing my mother-in-law as the “competition,” I decided to include her in ways that worked for me too. This small but powerful shift made all the difference.
How to Do It:
- Plan Inclusive Activities: Organize family gatherings that include everyone but also carve out moments for just the two of you as a couple. For instance, if a wedding invite includes both of you and your mother-in-law insists on coming, balance it with a post-wedding date night.
- Build a Team Spirit: I invited her to help with tasks she enjoyed, like decorating for a party or planning a menu. This gave her a sense of involvement while subtly establishing boundaries.
Step 3: Protect Couple Time
One of the biggest lessons I learned was the importance of protecting couple time. It’s not selfish; it’s essential for a healthy marriage.
How to Do It:
- Set Clear Boundaries: Lovingly but firmly explain to your husband that while his bond with his mom is beautiful, your relationship also needs nurturing. For us, this meant agreeing on certain moments where it would just be the two of us.
- Create Rituals: We started dedicating one evening every week to an activity we both enjoyed—no phones, no interruptions, and definitely no third parties.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Even a short coffee date or walk became a cherished opportunity to reconnect.
Step 4: Address Misunderstandings with Grace
Miscommunication fueled a lot of my pain. Once I realized this, I chose to confront misunderstandings—not with accusations but with love.
How to Do It:
- Use “I” Statements: Instead of saying, “She always ruins everything,” I shared, “I feel sad when I sense distance between us. Can we work on it together?” This kept the conversation constructive rather than combative.
- Have an Honest Talk: I eventually sat down with my husband and mother-in-law to share my feelings. While it wasn’t easy, it cleared the air and built mutual understanding.
- Choose Your Battles: Not every action needs a reaction. Sometimes, letting small things slide can preserve peace without compromising your boundaries.
Step 5: Foster Your Own Happiness
I learned this the hard way: The more fulfilled you are as an individual, the more strength and positivity you bring to your relationships.
How to Do It:
- Invest in Yourself: Take up a hobby, join a class, or simply spend time doing what you love. I started painting again, and it became my emotional outlet.
- Build Friendships: Surround yourself with a support system of friends who uplift you. Their perspectives and encouragement can work wonders.
- Practice Gratitude: I began journaling about things I was thankful for each day. It shifted my focus from what I lacked to what I had.
How Things Changed for Me
With time, patience, and consistent effort, our dynamics shifted. My husband began valuing our time more while still cherishing his mom. My mother-in-law also started seeing me as a partner, not a rival.
No, it wasn’t a perfect journey. But healing isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. And in the end, every small step brought us closer as a family.
Dear Moms, You’re Not Alone
If you’re crying today, I want to remind you: It’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to want your husband’s love. And it’s okay to want harmony in your home.
Start small, be patient, and lead with love. Trust me, the results are worth it.
