We teach our children how to read, how to count, how to tie their shoes. But how often do we sit down and simply ask them: How do you feel? What makes you happy? Where does anger live in your body?
As a mother, I’ve realized something profound: we spend so much time teaching our children what to think, but rarely pause to understand how they think and feel. We read parenting books, follow expert advice, scroll through Instagram reels about emotional regulation—but how often do we simply sit down and ask our children about their inner world?
This series is about asking those questions—and truly listening to the answers.
Talking to children about emotions doesn’t require a psychology degree or a perfect script. It just requires us to show up, ask genuine questions, and create space for honest answers.
I’m planning to sit down with children of different ages and asking them about their emotions, their fears, their joys, and how they navigate their inner world. No teaching. No correcting. Just honest conversations that reveal the remarkable emotional intelligence children already possess.
This is the first in what I hope will be an ongoing series on this blog. I’m starting with my own son, Hitarth, who is 6 and a half years old.
Now the question comes, Why?
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Why Talking to Children About Emotions Matters More Than Teaching Them
Because when we start talking to kids about emotions without judgment, we discover wisdom we’ve forgotten as adults. Because their unfiltered honesty teaches us more than any parenting manual. And because when we truly listen to our children, we give them something priceless: the message that their feelings matter.
When we ask children about their emotions without judgment or interruption, we discover:
- How they identify and name their feelings
- What coping strategies they naturally use
- How empathy and kindness show up in their daily lives
- What makes them feel brave, strong, or scared
- How emotional understanding evolves across different ages
These children emotional intelligence interviews aren’t just about documenting cute answers. They’re about validating our children’s voices, building emotional vocabulary, and learning what happens when we create space for feelings to be expressed.
When we make talking to children about emotions a regular practice, the benefits extend far beyond the conversation itself. Research shows that children who regularly discuss feelings develop stronger friendships, perform better academically, show more empathy toward others, and have better emotional regulation skills. They learn that their feelings are valid, that emotions aren’t scary, and that they have the power to understand and manage them.
While we focus on talking to children about emotions at home, schools play an equally crucial role in developing emotional strength. If you’re curious about why emotional education should be integrated into our school systems, read more about Why Emotional Strength for Children Should Be Our Top Priority in Schools.
These interviews show us that emotional intelligence in children isn’t something we need to create—it’s already there, waiting to be heard and validated.
So here it is—my conversation with Hitarth about happiness, sadness, anger, kindness, fear, and what makes him feel strong inside.
The Conversation
Me: How do you know when you’re happy?
Hitarth: I clap! I clap!
(I don’t think he fully understood the question at first—he heard “happy” and immediately thought of the action that goes with it. But isn’t that beautiful? For him, happiness isn’t something you analyze or overthink. It’s something you express, celebrate, DO. Adults could learn from this.)
Me: What makes you happy?
Hitarth: Eating burger.
Me: What else makes you happy?
Hitarth: By playing. Playing with my vehicle toys.
(Small things. Big difference. A burger. His toy cars. He doesn’t need a trip to Disneyland or the latest gadget to feel joy. Happiness, for children, lives in the simple, everyday moments we adults often overlook. This is a reminder to me—joy doesn’t have to be grand.)
Me: What makes you sad?
Hitarth: (thinks) Now, that I want to clean up. (laughs)
(Even at six, he knows that responsibilities can feel heavy. But notice—he laughed. He’s already learning to hold sadness lightly.)
Me: When you feel angry, where do you feel it in your body?
Hitarth: Neck and vibrating, shivering.
(Here’s what actually happened: I asked him, “Where in your body do you feel something when you’re angry?” He paused, then physically mimicked being angry—scrunched his face, tensed up—and in that moment, he NOTICED something in his neck. He felt the vibration, the shivering. He wasn’t reciting an answer he’d been taught. He was discovering it, right there, in real-time. That’s body awareness many adults don’t have. We feel anger, but we don’t pause to ask: where does it live in me?)
Me: What do you do when something doesn’t go your way? Like if your toy or lego is broken?
Hitarth: I will make it again.
(Problem-solver. Resilient. Moving forward. Instead of crying or giving up, his first instinct is to fix it. That’s a mindset we spend our whole lives trying to cultivate as adults—he already has it.)
Me: What do you do when you feel like crying?
Hitarth: I get angry.
(And here’s the truth we so often see in boys especially—sadness gets channeled into anger because anger feels safer, more acceptable.)
Research shows that when talking to children about emotions, we often treat boys and girls differently. Boys are frequently discouraged from expressing sadness—it’s dismissed or even punished—while girls are encouraged to talk about it. This matters because emotional intelligence in children develops best when all feelings, including the difficult ones like sadness and fear, are welcomed and discussed openly, regardless of gender.
Me: How do you feel when you make a mistake?
Hitarth: I feel sad.
(Simple, honest. Mistakes hurt. He doesn’t try to hide it or brush it off. He acknowledges the feeling.)
Me: How do you know someone is being kind to you?
Hitarth: Maybe they are giving me something or helping me.
Me: And how do you feel?
Hitarth: I feel like… thank you.
(Kindness registers as gratitude. He recognizes kindness through actions—giving, helping. And his instinct is to feel thankful. That’s empathy in action.)
Me: If you hurt someone by mistake, what do you do?
Hitarth: I say sorry.
(No hesitation. He knows what’s right. Accountability at six years old.)
Me: What are you scared of sometimes?
Hitarth: Tiger.
(A tiger. Something big, powerful, dangerous. Fear, for him, has a clear shape. It’s not abstract anxiety—it’s something concrete he can name.)
Me: What helps you feel brave?
Hitarth: Hanuman ji.
(Hitarth has always had deep faith in Hanuman ji. Whether something good happens or something goes wrong, he believes everything is done by Hanuman ji. It’s not just about religion for him—it’s about trust. Trust that someone bigger, stronger, wiser is watching over him. That belief gives him courage. And honestly? In a world that can feel so uncertain, having that kind of faith—in God, in the universe, in something—is a gift.)
Me: What do you do when you feel nervous?
Hitarth: I try my best. I will ask my parents to help me, or I will do something else.
(He has a three-step strategy: effort, support, redirection. First, he tries himself. If that doesn’t work, he asks for help. And if all else fails, he pivots. That’s emotional intelligence—knowing when to push through, when to lean on others, and when to let go.)
Me: How do you feel when someone else is sad?
Hitarth: I will ask what happened. Then if they don’t tell, I say it’s okay, don’t be sad.
(Empathy. Respect for boundaries. Comfort. He doesn’t push if someone doesn’t want to share. He just offers kindness. He’s six.)
Me: What do you think you are really good at?
Hitarth: Playing games.
(Confident. Clear. He knows his strengths.)
Me: What is one thing you are proud of?
Hitarth: My mother and father.
(Not something he did. He’s proud of us. I wasn’t expecting that, and it made my heart full. In his world, we are his accomplishment.)
Me: What makes you feel strong inside?
Hitarth: My brain.
(His brain. His mind. His ability to think. That’s where his strength lives. Not his body, not his toys, not even us—but his own mind. What a powerful thing for a child to know.)
What I Learned
Listening to Hitarth wasn’t just about documenting his answers. It was about witnessing his self-awareness, his empathy, his problem-solving, and yes—his struggles too, like when sadness becomes anger.
Emotional challenges like these—when kids struggle with difficult feelings or social situations—are opportunities for growth. A mother experienced this firsthand when her daughter faced exclusion & she shared it on Momyhood. If your child is navigating friendship struggles, you might find comfort in reading How I Helped My Daughter Become Emotionally Strong When She Was Excluded by Friends.
The truth is this: we complicate it. We think we need the right words, the perfect timing, the expert knowledge. But Hitarth taught me that it’s simply about asking and listening.
Children don’t need us to explain emotions—they need us to witness them. When we ask without teaching, correct, or redirect, children reveal incredible self-awareness. They know where anger lives in their bodies. They understand that sadness and crying are different. They have strategies for nervousness that many adults lack.
Talking to children about emotions reveals something profound—they already have strategies, awareness, and empathy. Our job isn’t to teach. It’s to witness.
Here’s something important: I didn’t explain anything to him after his answers. I didn’t correct him, teach him, or tell him what he “should” have said. I just asked and listened. And honestly? It felt better that way. I got to see how he naturally thinks, how he processes, how he feels—without my interference.
Maybe if I keep asking him at least 5 questions daily, we both get something in return. He learns to articulate his emotions. I learn to truly hear him. And slowly, we build a language between us—a language of trust, understanding, and emotional honesty.
Small, daily conversations build emotional literacy. You don’t need formal interviews. Just 5 questions a day—asked with genuine curiosity and without agenda—can transform how your child understands and expresses their feelings.
Children don’t need us to have all the answers. They need us to ask the questions. They need us to listen without correcting, without teaching, without turning every conversation into a lesson.
When we create space for children to express their emotional world, we’re not just building their emotional intelligence—we’re validating their humanity.
Talking to Children About Emotions: What Works at Different Ages
The way we approach talking to children about emotions shifts as they grow.
Preschoolers (3-5 years)
Use simple emotion words during play. Notice their play patterns—if they’re acting out fighting scenes with toys, comment on it: “There’s a lot of anger happening here.” This opens the door for them to share what’s bothering them.
Early Elementary (6-8 years)
Like Hitarth, children this age can identify where emotions live in their bodies. Ask them to notice physical sensations when they feel angry or nervous. Encourage them to talk about both good and bad feelings equally.
Older Children (9+ years)
They can handle more complex emotion conversations. Discuss the “why” behind feelings and help them understand that all emotions—even uncomfortable ones—are normal and valuable.
The key? Start talking to kids about emotions early, and keep the conversations going as they grow.
Real Moments for Talking to Children About Emotions
Talking to children about emotions can happen anywhere—at dinner, in the car, before bedtime. There’s no right place or time. Just start.
You don’t need a formal sit-down to start these conversations. Some of the best moments for talking to kids about emotions happen naturally:
During Play: Watch how your child plays. If you notice aggressive or upset play, gently comment: “Your toys seem really angry right now.” This can open up a conversation about what’s bothering them.
After Misbehavior: Instead of just correcting behavior, ask why. “I know hitting is wrong, but can you tell me what made you so upset?” This teaches them to connect actions with emotions.
When They See Upsetting News: Don’t hide scary world events—be truthful but age-appropriate. Let them know it’s normal to feel worried and that you’re there to keep them safe.
At Bedtime: This quiet time often brings out feelings. A simple “How did you feel today?” can reveal so much. Bedtime conversations have been transformational in my parenting journey—if you’re curious about why these nighttime talks matter so much, read The Power of Bedtime Conversations: How Talking with Hitarth Eases My Parenting Journey.
The beauty of talking to children about emotions this way? It becomes part of your daily rhythm, not a forced conversation.
What’s Next
I’ll be continuing this series with other children across different ages. I want to capture how emotional understanding evolves, how different children process the same big feelings, and what we as parents can learn when we stop talking and start listening.
My request to all the parents: Start this practice with your own child. It doesn’t have to be formal. It doesn’t have to be recorded. Just 5 questions a day—about feelings, about their inner world, about what makes them happy or scared or brave.
Not sure where to begin? Here’s how you can start talking to kids about emotions today—no script needed, just curiosity:
- What made you happy today?
- Where do you feel anger in your body?
- What helps you feel brave?
- How do you know someone is being kind to you?
- What are you proud of?
These questions are just the beginning. If you want more practical strategies for daily life, a mother has shared 5 Easy Ways To Nurture Emotional Intelligence In Kids that you can start implementing today—no extra time needed, just intentional moments.
Ask. Listen. Don’t teach. Just witness.
If you practice this for even 5 minutes daily, you’ll discover a deeper understanding of your child—and they’ll learn that their feelings matter.
The best part about making this a daily practice? It becomes natural. The questions flow. The walls come down. And suddenly, you’re not just parenting—you’re truly connecting.
Here’s something crucial about talking to children about emotions: don’t just focus on the happy ones. It’s easy to celebrate joy, but harder to sit with sadness, anger, or fear. Yet those difficult emotions are where the real learning happens. When your child expresses negative feelings, resist the urge to fix it or dismiss it. Instead, acknowledge it: “That sounds really hard” or “It makes sense that you feel angry about that.” This teaches them that all feelings are okay and that you’re a safe person to share them with.
Want Your Child Featured?
I’m continuing this series with children of all ages. If you’d like your child to participate in these emotional intelligence interviews, I’d love to hear from them.
What I need:
- Your child’s age
- A short conversation (10-15 minutes) where I ask age-appropriate questions about emotions
- Your permission to share their insights (anonymously or with first name only—your choice)
What you get:
- A beautiful record of your child’s emotional world at this age
- Insights into how your child processes feelings
- A published interview that helps other parents understand childhood emotions
Reach out via Instagram if you’re interested!
Follow Along
Have a question about emotional intelligence in children? Want to suggest topics for future interviews? Drop a comment below or reach out—I’d love to hear from you.
Let’s build a community of parents who believe our children’s emotional worlds deserve our attention, our curiosity, and our respect.
Thank you, Hitarth, for teaching me what strength looks like. It looks like saying sorry, asking for help, and knowing that your brain makes you powerful.
And thank you for reminding me that sometimes, happiness is as simple as clapping.
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