How I Finally Gained My Own Space Without Feeling Guilty – A Mom’s Journey of Balancing Attachment and Self-Care

Hey Moms,

I get it. You’re a loving mom who wants to be there for your child, but when that child is constantly needing you—especially first thing in the morning—it can take a serious toll on your health. That was me not too long ago. My son, who was around 5 years old, needed me as soon as his eyes opened in the morning. He’d call for me, and there I was, dropping everything I was doing—whether it was a work task, exercise, or even just trying to relax—for a 20-minute cuddle session.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love those moments with him. They’re precious, and the bond we share is strong. But the problem? I was losing myself in the process. Between his constant attachment and my need to be his go-to person, I started feeling overwhelmed. And that’s when I knew something had to change.

Here’s how I managed to turn things around while still maintaining that closeness with my son.

Acknowledge His Need for You – But Set Boundaries

The first thing I had to do was acknowledge that my son’s need for me in the morning was a real emotional need. It wasn’t just about wanting attention, it was about comfort and reassurance. I recognized this, but I also knew I couldn’t sacrifice my well-being to meet that need. So, I began setting gentle boundaries.

I told him, “I know you want me right now, and I love our morning cuddle, but I also need a little time for myself. How about we do this in a bit?” And then, I calmly transitioned him to a more independent activity—something comforting, like a favorite story or a soft toy to hold. I made it clear that I wasn’t abandoning him; I was just giving us both some space.

Gradually Introduced Small Rituals with His Dad

This one was tough, especially since he had grown so attached to me in the mornings. But I realized that involving his dad in this time would eventually make him feel secure in the mornings without me. So, I started introducing small rituals with his dad: a quick, playful morning greeting, or a simple task, like getting his favorite breakfast ready. This allowed his dad to become a familiar, soothing presence without forcing an immediate change.

It took time, but over the course of weeks, my son began to warm up to the idea of his dad being more involved, even if it wasn’t exactly the same as me.

Built Emotional Safety with Myself – Without Guilt

One of the hardest parts of this transition was letting go of the guilt. As a mom, it’s easy to feel like we have to be everything to our kids, especially when they’re little. But I realized that by taking care of my own needs—whether through a short walk, exercise, or just a cup of tea without interruption—I wasn’t abandoning him. I was showing him that self-care is important too.

I used this time to talk to him calmly about why I needed a little break. I explained, “Sometimes, moms and dads need time to feel happy too. When I take care of myself, I can be better for you.” Over time, he began accepting this idea, and our mornings felt less stressful.

Shifted the Focus – Quality Over Quantity

It wasn’t about eliminating the morning cuddles or conversations altogether. I still made sure we had those precious moments—but I made them intentional. Rather than allowing them to be endless, I set a short but meaningful 15-minute cuddle time where we shared a quiet moment, talked, and connected. Then, I’d explain that I needed to do something for myself, but that we’d have another quality moment later.

These moments became something we both looked forward to, and I saw a shift in his behavior. He began respecting my need for space, even if it wasn’t easy at first.

Gradually Encourage Independence – Even for Short Moments

One thing I noticed is that he was incredibly attached to me, especially in the mornings. It wasn’t just about cuddles—it was about him needing me to help him get started with his day. But I started gradually encouraging him to do little things on his own. I’d say, “Let’s play together for a little while, but after that, I’ll let you choose your favorite toy or activity, and I’ll be in the other room.” Slowly but surely, I increased the time apart, making sure he felt secure but also fostering his independence.

Also read: The Power of Bedtime Conversations: How Talking with Hitarth Eases My Parenting Journey

Incorporating Him in My Self-Care Routine

Instead of feeling guilty for doing things that helped me, like exercising or relaxing, I started involving him in my self-care routine. I introduced fun, short activities like a 10-minute dance session or some playful stretches together. Sometimes, he would sit next to me while I did my meditation or journaling, explaining how important it was for both of us to have some quiet moments to recharge. By involving him, he understood that self-care was important, and I didn’t have to leave him behind to take care of myself.

Create a Calm, Predictable Routine

Children thrive on routine, and so do we as moms. I began setting clear expectations with him, like, “After breakfast, we’ll cuddle and talk, and then Mommy will take 5 minutes to do her stretches before we start playing.” He knew what to expect, and that predictability made him feel more secure and gave me the time I needed without the constant tugging.

Be Kind to Yourself – It’s a Process

One thing I’ve learned through this journey is to be kind to myself. It’s okay if things don’t change overnight, and it’s okay to have setbacks. The process is gradual, and there will be bumps along the way. What’s most important is that you’re taking care of yourself while still being there for your child. You can be a loving mom and still prioritize your own well-being.

Closing Thoughts

The process wasn’t instant. There were mornings when it felt like we were taking steps backward. But with patience, consistency, and understanding, we slowly started building a new routine that worked for both of us.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your child’s emotional dependence on you, I want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to set boundaries, and it’s okay to take care of yourself while still being the loving, supportive mom your child needs.

Remember, change takes time, and with love, patience, and small shifts, you can find that balance too.

This approach has helped me, and I hope it resonates with you too! If you’ve been facing something similar, I’d love to hear your thoughts or what’s worked for you. 💛