9 Month Preparing To Fall In Love For A Lifetime

How fascinating is it to find out that you are pregnant! It gives a sort of feeling which is just unimaginable. Embarking on a pregnancy journey after loss is a mix of emotions—fear, hope, and resilience. This blog shares my personal experience of navigating pregnancy after a heartbreaking miscarriage.

It all started with the day when my colleague pointed out that I appear to be a little low and tired. She straight away asked if I missed my period, which I actually missed by 4 days, but I wanted to be sure, so I did not check.

However, she asked me to take a test, and since I was unable to control my excitement, I took the test, and I was literally on cloud nine. But my happiness was short-lived. When I completed my 3rd month, I observed some brown spotting and severe period-like cramps along with fever. I suffered it for two days, and then I decided to see my gynecologist.

To my expectations, she suggested a USG to ensure that nothing is wrong. I went for a scan, and the radiologist informed me that I would have to abort! I was left numb. It was full of pain, disappointment and it was a vaginal delivery followed by D&C, where I delivered a dead fetus. This loss is something that takes off your dreams, happiness, expectations, and whatnot!

How I Found Strength During My Pregnancy Journey After Loss

Experiencing a miscarriage was a turning point in my life, and it marked the beginning of my pregnancy journey after loss—a path filled with uncertainty and hope.

It took me few days to accept it, but since we got to go with the flow, I moved on, keeping in mind my gynecologist’s advice.

After 6 months, I again realized that I missed my period, and just after two days, I took the test, which was positive! I could not believe it, and I started to dance literally. The thought of embarking on another pregnancy journey after loss was daunting, but the desire to hold my baby gave me the strength to try again.

My husband was equally happy, which further escalated my joy. This time my mother-in-law, mother, and husband were way too cautious.

They treated it normally and weren’t excited because they did not want this happiness to live short. I was in regular consultation with my doctor, and again one fine day when I hit the third month, I bled. I immediately called up the doctor and asked for her advice, to which she said that I need to have an immediate ultrasound.

Besides this, she really scared me by reminding me that I lost my precious baby during this tenure of pregnancy only. I just can’t explain how nervous I was, and I am pretty sure that never ever before the walls of that USG room heard the prayers I was enchanted at that time.

Thankfully the baby was fine, but I had a low-lying placenta, to which the doctor advised that I will have to be on complete bed rest, which means I was allowed to move out only to use the loo and take a bath on alternative days. It was so suffocating. I wanted to be active. I wanted to go out, perform household chores for which I was strictly restricted.

Time flew, the lockdown was announced, which was indeed the best phase of my pregnancy because of my husband’s constant presence with me. I was elated, and I actually started enjoying my pregnancy. Another reason was the placenta which went back to its normal place, and I was allowed home-rest. I was able to move around freely, do work, and exercise simply.

Having my husband by my side during the lockdown made this pregnancy journey after loss more bearable, as his presence gave me emotional strength.

Also read: Meet 18 women who shared heartbreaking pregnancy journeys in post-Roe world

15 days before I gave birth, I experienced severe pain in my left abdomen. I thought it’s labor pain, but it came out to be false contractions. I was not disappointed because there were still some 25 days to my due date, so we returned home with a sigh of relief.

I visited my gynecologist after next to next week for a routine check-up. She examined me and asked me to get admitted the next day at 10 pm for augmentation of labor following the covid test. Per the Doctors advice, I tested myself for COVID. The very next day, to my surprise, I started feeling contractions. Thankfully, the COVID report was negative. I could not bear the pain, and I asked my husband to leave for the hospital.

Upon reaching, the doctor confirmed that I am 2cm dilated and contractions are regular. The pain intensified, and the contractions were more frequent. Doctors were coming and checking again and again. I just can’t describe how God strengthens a mother to bare such pain. After suffering some 19 hours of ‘the labor pain,’ I gave birth to my son following vacuum-assisted vaginal delivery.

I forgot everything that happened to me in the last 24 hours by just having his look. His face was so innocent, right in front of my face while writing about my story. Looking at my baby’s innocent face, I realized that every moment of pain during my pregnancy journey after loss was worth it to finally hold him in my arms.

Related post: She Took One Day To Realize Love For Her Newborn

I just wish I could relive those moments and see how miraculous it is becoming a mother. I pray to God that each mother remains healthy and gives birth to a happy and healthy kid.

The Closing Thought

For anyone going through a pregnancy journey after loss, know that hope and resilience can lead to a lifetime of love and happiness.